Male Bashing

By: Leanne Bell

Men are in dire need of defense. They suffer in silence, most of
the time, taking every blow, suffering every insult and accusation,
holding up bravely under the constant barrage of animosity that our
society throws at them.

I used to drive a deathtrap of a car, a bucket of bolts that always
stalled out on me at precisely the wrong time. I don’t know how many
times I ended up paralyzed on the side of the road, staring helplessly
at a stubborn collection of wires and motors and belts that refused to
pull together and let me go home. Eventually the thing just caught fire
one day and burned to the ground, leaving me stranded on the coldest
day of the year on a forlorn strip of highway. That day, like many,
many others in the life of my car, I was rescued by a a stranger who
stopped to help, a person who saw a young woman in need and came to her
aid. A man.

The man who stopped that day offered to let me sit in the back of
his car and use his phone to call the police. Standing there, on an
empty stretch of highway, freezing to death, I had second thoughts
about getting into the backseat. But like every other man who ever
stopped to help me, this man was a true gentleman, gracious and kind,
interested only in helping a woman who could have been his sister, his
daughter, his wife.

So why did I have second thoughts? Was it because some men are not
so gracious and kind? Because men are dangerous and predatory? Or was
it because our society has taught me to think they are?

Men have the dubious distinction of being the most hated, the most
suspected, the most mistrusted creature on the planet. The actions of a
very small number of men have painted the entire sex with the brush of
suspicion and loathing, have labelled the entire gender as brutish,
arrogant, violent and depraved. Men are constantly being criticized and
corrected, admonished to change, to be better, softer, sweeter, to
think more of others, to think less of themselves, to recreate their
very natures in order to please the women they share the world with.
And it doesn’t matter how hard they try to improve, or to give into the
demands placed on them; there will always be some new attack to fend
off. 

Men are in dire need of defense. They suffer in silence, most of the
time, taking every blow, suffering every insult and accusation, holding
up bravely under the constant barrage of animosity our society throws
at them. We put them down for liking sex, for liking to look at pretty
women, for wanting to work and get somewhere in life, for wanting to
make money, for letting off steam with the boys. Whatever it is we hate
about them, our society gives us carte blance to vocalize that hatred.

Some women at an American university, for example, had the gall to
post the names of every male student on campus under the heading
“Potential Rapist”, willfully ignoring the fact that 99% of those men
would likely risk life and limb to protect a woman from a real
rapist if the siutation ever arose. Women at another college formed a
group called W.H.A.M, Women Hating All Men, a slap in the face to their
fathers, brothers, husbands and sons, or any other man who has loved
and cared for them.

These groups do this not only with full legal protection, but also
with the quiet sanction of society, who honours their self-styled role
of victim and allows them to vent their sexist agenda with impunity. We
don’t care how vicious they are, it seems, or how unapologetic they are
in their hatred of men for being men; on some level society agrees with
them. Men are bastards, go ahead and hate them.

It is not in men’s nature to complain, or defend themselves against
their numerous critics, and so very often we assume that they aren’t
bothered by all the bad press and unfair attacks leveled at them. Yet
how could a person not be? How can young men growing up today
feel good about themselves, when all we ever hear about is the small
percentage of men who are criminal or cruel? There ought to be at least
one woman out there willing to sing their praises, to extoll the
virtues of men, to thank them for their gallantry, their chivalry,
their bravery and their love. That woman will be me.

I love men. I admire them greatly, and respect their rationality,
their dedication to values. I find them charming, romantic,
kind-hearted and generous. I love their lustiness, their love of life
and the good things it brings. I love how willing they are to spend
their lives working to care for a woman and children they love. I love
how unquestioningly they take on the role of bathroom spider-killer,
burglar-chaser, tire changer, bump-in-the-night investigator, lover,
companion, friend.

It’s generally thought that women are the more romantic of the two
sexes, given their penchant for fancy weddings and Valentine’s Day
flowers and tokens of affection. But men are far more romantic than
women, in the truest sense of the word. Men value love very highly, and
don’t mistake candy hearts and candlelit dinners for genuine, lasting
love. They fall in love carefully because they want love to mean
something, and they want it to last. When they do allow themselves to
love someone completely, their wives will find no more stalwart
supporter, no greater friend, no more loyal or devoted lover. They are
romantic and tender, not to get love but to give it, and often display
gallantry and chivalry with no hope of “getting anything ” in return.

Unfortunately, most men don’t necessarily equate love with marriage,
and consequently are afraid of entering into something they believe
will kill romance. Yet most of them still do it anyway. Most of them
swallow their fears and walk down the aisle, for one reason only: they
love her. They’re willing to face their fears in order to make her
happy. In many couples, marriage results because she wants to get
married, but he just wants her. It’s hard to say a man isn’t romantic
when he puts his heart on the line for the woman he loves.

When it comes to sex, most men are careful about overstepping bounds
because they don’t want to offend their partners; most men, even
husbands and long time lovers, make absolutely sure their advances are
welcome and that their lovemaking is a pleasant experience for both. As
much as the media would like to portray men as perverted sex fiends who
will have sex with anyone, anywhere, this simply isn’t true for the
vast majority of men. Most men are happily monogamous, and want to be
in love with the woman they go to bed with. All they really want when
it comes to sex is to admire a sexy, wonderful woman who delights their
mind, body and soul, and to see that kind of admiration reflected in
her eyes.

Many men have to search for years to find their dream woman, and in
the meantime, they hold onto their quest by dreaming about the
beautiful women in Playboy, or the gorgeous girl on the bus shelter ad,
or the cute and charming lady who works in the office next to theirs.
They are drawn to images of beauty and strength, character and
personality, sexiness and self-esteem. Anyone who thinks men can’t be
monogamous ought to consider the number of men who keep the same
centrefold on their garage wall for fifteen years, immune to the array
of new faces and new bodies that come and go, content to look in
admiration at the loveliness of that one special lady who touched their
heart.

Some women call this misogyny, or objectifying women. They couldn’t
be more wrong. These men are elevating women, building pedestals for
them, idolizing an image that best reflects the glory they see in women
all around them. They cherish their image of woman, carry it with them
their whole lives, and look, with hope and anticipation for the woman
who will make their ideals become real. This isn’t misogyny, it is
pure, unabashed adoration, and genuine, heartwarming love.

Not all men are wonderful. Neither are all women. And while it is
true that some men (and women) have historically persecuted women by
denying them their individual rights, we must give our modern men
credit for rising above the attitudes and prejudices of their
grandfathers. Today’s man gamely takes the women’s movement in stride,
encourages his wife to pursue her dreams, treats the women in his life
with respect and grace, and struggles the best he can to keep his head
above water in the turbulent sea of change.

I have always loved men but I never fully appreciated what a
wonderful, inspiring, uplifting thing a good man is until I met the
finest example of masculinity there is. My husband Dwayne is a constant
joy to me, not only for the delight he brings to our marriage and to
our life, but for the million, tiny, quiet ways he has of being moral,
of being visionary, of smiling at the stars and proving that life is good,
for the nobility he sees in the beauty around him and his intense
desire to paint the world as he knows it can and ought to be. There is
no finer man than my husband, and I am privileged he calls me wife.

Love the men who so generously deserve it. Ignore those who don’t.
Find your shining knight and reward him with the only desire he has
quietly harboured his whole life; genuine, lasting love.